Outside the Bit: "Gaming in the Cold (War)"

Hello, dear readers! I know that you are used to hearing my unique brand of... how shall I say it... commentary. As much as I enjoy it, AND I DO, it occurs to me that you all might enjoy hearing from someone else from time to time.

That is what our newest feature, "Outside The Bit" is for! Outside the Bit (OTB) is when we give a guest contributor the controller for 8BitVS, and let them loose on a game-related topic of their choosing. They will entertain, inform, and dazzle you so that you are fresh and ready for some bad photoshop, and informed opinions when I return! As they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

This week's contributor, Warza, is an old friend of mine, and an avid gamer. We met in New Zealand a long time ago, and found that we had a great deal in common in regards to our love of gaming. A prosperous friendship ensued. In my estimation, his insights are sharp, and his opinions, interesting.

Bet you didn't know that old BitNick lived a while in New Zealand, did you? See? OTB is bringing us all closer together already.

Give him a warm welcome, and let The 8-Bit Show begin!

-BitNick

Gaming in the Cold (War)

By Warza

Last summer, for lack of anything better to do, I went on a gaming binge. I bounced from console to console with the giddy rapacity of a 3rd grade sugar fiend let loose in a candy store. I played my PC, I played my Xbox 360, and I even blew the dust off its venerable daddy, the original 'Box.

I dutifully waded through the staples of video game achievement. I shot and fragged. I completed objectives and beat missions, and of course, I earned points. And after I had played through a significant portion of my game collection, something hit me.

Move Over 3DS - Microsoft Announces THEIR New Handheld, The 4D!

With only days left before the release of Nintendo's new handheld system, the 3DS, Microsoft has shocked the world and stolen the spotlight with the wholly unexpected announcement of their first true handheld gaming system, the MS 4D.

The announcement came as a shock to many when an emergency board meeting was called late last night with a press conference to follow this morning. The board meeting was reportedly short, and at this morning's press conference, Microsoft has this to say:

"Microsoft has long been a strong competitor in the console market," said Michael Thoft, Microsoft's Executive Vice-President of Research, Development, and, according to him, "Takin' Names". "Today we bring the experience, strength, and most importantly, TECHNOLOGY, that Microsoft has is known for in world of gaming and computing to the handheld market."

"I am proud to introduce to you, for the first time ever, the Microsoft 4D."

"It is, quite literally, THE FUTURE!" *Winking suggestively*
-Michael Thoft

3DS and Pilotwings Resort Hands-On Impressions!

The Nintendo 3DS is less than 2 weeks away from release here in America, and the excitement is palpable. Nintendo is on the PR war path, hiring a security escort in a black SUV to deliver a 3DS unit to Kevin Cassidy of GoNintendo, then strapping 3DS's to a bunch of female models in matching white pantsuits and having them strut into the Gametrailers offices and present the nearest white male with a 3DS. These are just two of probably HUNDREDS of outlets getting their review systems.

Every one of these hundreds of gaming outlets has also done an "Unboxing" video. Now, don't get me wrong... There is nothing inherently wrong with "unboxing" videos. The problem is, though, that the contents of GoNintendo's 3DS box WILL DIFFER IN NO WAY from the contents of Gametrailers 3DS box, so if you've seen one "unboxing" you've seen them all.

That's where your good friend BitNick comes to the rescue! Rather than watching YET ANOTHER person unpack their 3DS and talk about how they're going to play games on it later, I wanted to give you some actual footage of the system in action!

This would require some ingenuity, I knew. I am, by no measure, popular enough to receive a 3DS demo unit of my very own, but armed only with my intrepid spirit, and directions from the bespectacled guy at the entrance of the Best Buy, I have tracked down a 3DS, played with it, and taken video evidence of my exploits!

The Review Tank - Bit.Trip FLUX

Bit.Trip FLUX Review

by BitNick

Those of you who have been following 8BitVS since it's inception will know that I am a fan of the Bit.Trip series. In the short space of two years, Gaijin Games, the developers of Bit.Trip, have gone from being relative nobodies to being a well-known innovative force in the industry in the short space of two years because of Bit.Trip.

Through the Bit.Trip games, which were all downloadable rather than retail releases, we have seen them both emulate and evolve different gaming genres that have often flirted with becoming stale. Gaijin has, in the six game series, re-imagined Pong, platforming games (like Mario), shooters (like Raiden), and rhythm games (like Guitar Hero and Rock Band).

With an impressive pedigree built in such a short time, Bit.Trip Flux, the final game in the series, had to be special. In spite of the fact that the every Bit.Trip entry has featured silent exposition, if any at all, people have been anxiously awaiting the final chapter of Commander Video's journey home.

8-Bit Ballads - Light is Right

If there's one thing that I think that this world is missing, it's a personal dragon for every man, woman and child. Flying and ravaging peasants is a basic human right, and I bring this up so that I can be part of the solution.

If there's a second thing that I think the world is missing, it's poetry based on video games. It's in THIS realm that I think I can leave my greatest contribution to the world, and thusly, The 8-Bit Variety Show presents, "8-Bit Ballads."

My first poem makes insidious inferences about a well-known gaming icon, and is also about one of my favorite franchises, MegaMan.

Trial and Error in Gaming: What Games Can Teach About Not Giving Up

I have been playing video games for a long time. I was around for the original Super Mario Bros., Pac-Man, Castlevania, and Bionic Commando games (pro tip: You blow up Hitler's head at the end of Bionic Commando. Go ahead. Take a look), and I am proud of my retro-gaming roots. I can say with unrestrained chest-puffedness that I am not young enough that I must search the past to "discover" great old games. I LIVED them. The only people that have a one-up on me are the people who played the Atari 2600 extensively!

And I hear that I didn't really miss anything. Except the mass burial

of a game so bad that we wanted it stricken from history.

I owned one of the original Nintendo Entertainment Systems, courtesy of my father, who no doubt went on to regret ever purchasing it for us, and I continued that legacy by owning a Super Nintendo, an N64, a Gameboy (one of the big grey ones with the yellow screen), a Gamecube, a Wii, and a gaming PC which has been updated at appropriate times throughout my years. I have borrowed (read: stole) a friend's Playstation and PS2 at various times, and rented or borrowed almost any other console you can imagine at some time or another. My point is, I've been around video games for a long time, and I've played a lot of them.

Because gaming has been a part of my life since I was 3 years-old, I realize that it colors my perceptions. I know that there are some who will read this article and think that being devoted to video games is sad when there are so many things to be gained from books, movies, music, and other media. I know this because I have heard it all before.

To everyone reading, especially those who think that video games have nothing to offer to art, beauty, or humanity, I wish to tell you one lesson that video games have instructed me in:

Video games taught me to never give up.

"What's The Greatest Innovation of Nintendo's Little White Box? Point Me In The Right Direction..."

Well, it's President's Day here in America, and I passed the time on this wonderful day like all Americans do: Waiting for the ghost of Abraham Lincoln to leave me red, white, and blue candy under the "Freedom" Tree that we set up in the front room. I have yet to catch ol' "Honest Abe" in the act, but I think I caught Bill Clinton once. It was dark, so I couldn't see his face, but he did sexually harass me before he left, so I'm pretty sure it was him.

I know that most were probably expecting me to do a President's Day post chronicling the "Best Video Game Presidents", or the "Best Politicians From Video Games", but I decided to make like our first President, George Washington, and buck the trend. We already have enough lists like that (read: one), and I wanted to have a brief word about something that has been on my mind for some time now.

Like it or hate it, the Nintendo Wii is here to stay. In the time that the Wii has been known to the public eye, it has gone from being the subject of derision, a prophet of doom for Nintendo's somewhat shaky future, to begrudging success, to being one of the most wildly popular console systems in history.

All while making us look like this, and think it's OK.

Sony: "Is That What You Want, Nintendo? Whip 'em Out? Measure 'em?"

NOTE: We, at The 8-Bit Variety Show, are a family-friendly site, and our posts range in their content from "G" to "PG-13". There is nothing that will destroy your life in the following article (unless bad Photoshop does the trick), but this article is definitely more on the PG-13 end of the spectrum. If that would bother you, put down the web-enabled device and walk away slowly. If not, ENJOY, LAUGH, AND SHOW THOSE WHO WALKED AWAY THAT THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BY LAUGHING AND ENJOYING!